In Ben's absence his presence is even more strongly felt. His absence makes us acutely aware of how present he was and still is in our ways of relating and thinking. We are aware of 'what Ben would have said' or 'how Ben would have responded'. We miss Ben's caustic but not unkind sense of humour. We see Ben's bike and clothes and bedroom that will become someone else's. We see Ben's phone but Ben's characteristic way of holding and using it is absent.And in his absence we realize how much a part of us Ben was and will always be. "No man is an island... any man's death dimishes me" said John Donne. Ben cannot simply disappear: his absence leaves a Ben shaped hole. But more than that: if in time we forget or cover over that hole, then we would be naive, because for those who have known Ben well, who we are oursleves is partly due to Ben himself. Ben has been part of our own formation and that cannot ever be undone. We are forever, people who have known Ben, people who have been changed by Ben - by his life and now by his death.
3 comments:
And we are forever a family who love(d) him and will miss him and constantly see the hole he has left and wonder how we will negotiate our way around it.
The Briggs
i know i am always fussing over photos but this one of Ben on his phone is superb; capturing the "yes i am watching you" in his trademark Mulherin gaze, the "phone position" you describe so well and how smart does he look! Still here each day,tuning in and thinking of you guys heaps. We never met Ben, I think Tim, Andy & Chris kindly chauferred our fellas around town but we are so glad and privileged to have seen a snapshot of him and known him through this blog. Thankyou for that- much love Jane, Sam & gang xxx
I wonder if anybody is interested in starting up a Facebook site 'we remember Ben Mulherin'?
I think Tim and some friends from Argentina started the first site, and it was really well done. i'm not computer savvy enough to start but would love to see it happen,
lots of love
jill xxxx
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