The two clocks

I said in an earlier post that it was unbelievable to think that it was four years ago that Ben was in his last week of life. In response, Jill wrote,

Yep four years is illogical – totally mad actually. It still feels like there has been a 'wrinkle in time’ - that there is Ben going home yesterday and then there is life that has rushed onwards –seems like there are two clocks/calendars in my world…

And it seems like that to us too. Life will always stand still for us in one sense—we want to loiter in the time when Ben was alive and well, but time is more insistent in pushing us forward to happy, hopeful places in the present and the future. How we wish that they could include a living laughing Ben.

Regardless of not being here bodily, it is funny the way we ‘see’ Ben occasionally. I was driving behind a very big, shiny, new-looking black Navarra ute the other day and as the traffic was moving fairly briskly I didn’t pay it much attention. When I had to stop behind it at a red light I had time to notice its number plate; personalised, bold white letters on a deep blue background, it simply read:

 CSB.

Lindy