Happy Birthday Ben

Friday August 24th will be Ben's 27th birthday. I am of course wondering what he would have been up to, had things not all gone the CSB way.
If cancer had never happened to him, would he have been finishing medicine and heading off to Africa next week with Tim, to do his final student experience before graduating in December? Would he now be counting down the months until he began at his first hospital placement as a new Dr? What a lovely thought.

It seems to me though that once cancer was part of Ben's life, even if the experience had not been life-ending, it was going to be at the least, life-changing. Right from the time of his diagnosis in June 2008 his life changed in ways that he could never have imagined. Entering the merry-go-round world of doctors' surgeries, pathology labs, scans and x-rays, not to mention hospital stays, at times he felt a loss of normality and depersonalisation that left him feeling that people saw him as a 'sick person', worse—a person with cancer.

His attempts at remaining 'normal' were admirable, including finishing his science degree when he was barely able to drag himself to uni with tiredness and weakness. He also decided to attend his interview for entry into post-grad medicine at Deakin, making a trip to Geelong when the cancer was already quite advanced and he was struggling. But it was very soon after that interview that he said adamantly that he no longer had any interest in studying medicine. Not surprisingly, he was 'over it'—his words—the whole medical scene. He talked about finding out about joining the police force. 

Along with checking out the police force, Ben also expressed a keen desire to own a speed boat; his sick room before he deteriorated to the intensive care unit, was strewn with magazines filled with photos depicting various kinds of luxury boats. He had talked off and on about buying a boat with friends and brothers before he became sick and as he grew weaker and weaker the boat seemed to symbolise health and strength and hope. He said on more than one occasion, with his wry smile, it would be called the CSB.

I love to imagine Ben doing all manner of amazing things wherever he is now and I wonder if he does some tearing around in a Malibu boat with friends? Alternatively I can see him revelling in the skill required to get a yacht flying before the wind with the sails fit to busting. CSB.   

Lindy.