I want to try to explain what ‘moving on’ means for me. I don’t see life as a straight-line progression, moving from our past, through the present to the future, and at each point leaving behind what is in the past.
If anything, life is more like a spiral staircase that we’re on. CS Lewis used a phrase in his book "The Last Battle", which was something like higher up and further in. That also gives me a picture of our life becoming richer as we journey on with God.
As life moves on, all of our past life is gathered up and brought with us, and can enrich our lives in the present. As I revisit past experiences, I value them as being part of my life, but each time I revisit, I feel as though I’m higher up the spiral staircase. So I may do things differently this anniversary, not because I’ve left behind something special, but because I’m on a higher rung on the staircase. I’ve moved on, but not moved away. I’m higher up and further in to life.
So ‘moving on’ for me doesn’t mean leaving anything behind! I realise that if I try to leave things behind, they just get hidden in the shadows of my life, and will cause me inexplicable pain and confusion. It’s much better to keep my eyes open to as much as I can of all of my life, and realise that all the experiences of my life are part of me, and can be used by God.
In relation to Ben, I know full well that you can never leave him behind, even if you tried! There’s no reason for you to try though. I believe that Ben’s life will always enrich and deepen your life in many and different ways, and that one day in the future, you’ll be fully present to each other.
Ben’s life also enriches the lives of all who knew him. His life and death have challenged me more than you probably realise. When he was diagnosed with cancer, I was really shaken, which then led to questioning deeply what I really believe, which is now an ongoing process for me. Ben’s life and death have led me to take God very seriously, and to be more authentically the person He made me to be.
